NOSTALGIC FOR CONVERSATION?

pic of me tipping cap
photo by Laurie Selik

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

AHOY THERE,

FELLOW

CONVERSATION FANS !

 

It’s been a few weeks and I was starting to miss talking to you.

Ever find yourself nostalgic for good conversation?

I found myself in a long discussion with four writers on a panel recently. The Topic?

Nostalgia.

Was it Nietzche who said nostalgia was, “looking backwards with bullshit in both eyes”?

Well this panel was certainly full of it.

And full of fun too.

Presented by the Independent Writers of Southern California (IWOSC) at the Veterans Memorial Building in Culver City, CA: “Writing Nostalgia: When the Past Sings, Make it Zing.”

IWOSC sign for PanelLET’S MEET OUR PANEL

IWOSC host Gary Young quotes Noel Coward to get things going: “May you have a warm hand on your opening,” Coward told a starlet before her show. Warming to the idea of a raucous couple of hours, I lean into the microphone when moderator Bob Birchard asks us how we became nostalgic, and say: “I’m nostalgic for good conversation and can’t wait to hear some tonight!”

I take my cues from the venerable experts here tonight, like Jordan R. Young, showbiz historian and author of books like, Spike Jones Off The Record. He recalls a time, he says, “Before camp, before nostalgia,” way back in the 1950s when he could call up Silent Movie actors names he saw listed in the phone book.

They don’t make researches like that anymore.

Through such determined journalistical sleuthing, Jordan sought out celebrities, holding conversations with Hollywood figures like King Vidor and John Carradine, eventually starting Past Times Publishing. One of his books, I truly loved: The Laugh Crafters: Comedy Writing in Radio and TV’s Golden Age featured an interview with Irving S. Brecher. And I got to help Irv complete his memoir The Wicked Wit of The West in 2009.

I met Robert S. Bader once in Palm Desert at a dinner thrown by Harpo Marx’s son Bill. Tonight he talks about Groucho Marx and Other Short Stories and Tall Tales. It’s been translated into “dozens of languages, including Catalan.” Bader, a producer of PBS specials on Dick Cavett and Bing Crosby, tells us he didn’t know it was being nostalgic when as a kid he got into the Marx Brothers. But upon sharing that interest, discovering that some other people found it “cool too,” he knew he’d “made a group of friends forever.”

Panel moderator Birchard, writer of a book series called Cecil B. Demille’s Hollywood, makes a point of describing we few fellows on the dais as: “Not Historians.” He wants us to explain to the packed house of Southern California writers how we do our research. Herbie J Pilato, author of The Essential Elizabeth Montgomery and Twitch Upon a Star: The Bewitched Life and Career of Elizabeth Montgomery suggests using classic stock photo agencies like Globe and Photofest.

“Hey whatever happened to Black Star,” I interject. “Does anyone remember them?” When I first saw their photo credits in magazines as a kid I thought it was an African-American agency. (It was around the same time I learned that “Black is Beautiful.”) Bader and Pilato think Black Star is long gone or was bought up by a larger stock house.

Pilato, a one-time actor and NBC page, is founder of a nonprofit called the “Classic TV Preservation Society,” dedicated to shows that reflect “positive things,” including old programs like, “Life Goes On,” “Kung Fu,” “That Girl,” and “Gidget.”

“Herbie, you’d make a great host on the TVLand channel,” I offer.

“I’m working on it,” he says.

Robert S. Bader thrills the Culver City faithful with this tale of research: He discovered two hundred Marx Brothers photos in an attic.

“From that early 1900s period of the Brothers performing on the road.”

Bader’s book comes out in October and is called, Four of the Three Musketeers: The Marx Brothers on Stage. Devoted to Minnie’s boys’ pre-Hollywood movie career. I can’t wait to read about their earliest vaudeville shows and see that trove of pix. (NOTE TO SELF: I also need to pick Bader’s brain about getting The Wicked Wit of the West translated into Catalan.)

 

INQUIRING IWOSCERS WANT TO KNOW          Flo Selfman fronts panel

 

We take questions from the audience. (Flo Selfman, President of IWOSC, at panel above)

One man says he wants to write about a B-movie actress who did pin-ups and died young, but he can’t remember her name.

Next!

One woman says she’d like to write a biography, but read a Marilyn Monroe book that was nothing but erotic stories never documented in any history. Three panelists tell her you can write anything you want about a person no longer living. You see, one says, just because it isn’t true doesn’t mean it can’t also be a lousy read.

Wow. Shouldn’t it matter if a life story is true to the page its printed upon? Neal Cassady offered this advice to Jack Kerouac after reading an early draft: “Embellish.”

Robert Bader says, regarding his Marx Brothers research, Groucho would give two answers to your question, “and then tell you both of them were lies.”

Okay then. I jump in with an “IWOSC mini-seminar,” telling audience members not to worry, but “YOU’VE GOT TO HIT THE TYPEWRITER BROTHER! CREATE YOUR OWN MYTH SISTER!”

In other words, get the dang thing written. To another writer waiting for permission from a subject’s estate: “Write the book already; it’s easier to be forgiven than it is to get permission.”

(Also thinking now of Scoop Nisker, the unique radio man at KSAN in San Francisco who ended every broadcast of “The Last News Show” with, “If you don’t like the news, go out and make some of your own!”)

“Any one of these gentlemen up here will be happy to write you a perfectly good biography or memoir,” I add, although of course I’m thinking of myself on the prowl always for next writing gig.

 

THE LAST ARCHIVISTS?

A question for Herbie Pilato:

“You can write about Elizabeth Montgomery,” a man asks. “But how can you write about a TV show?” Isn’t that program — product — a corporate property?

“Nah,” Pilato aces it. “There have been ninety books about Star Trek, none of them authorized by Gene Roddenberry.”

“And isn’t everybody an archivist now?” I toss in. “Able to look up anything in a single bound on the web and assume they’ve done the research?”

Jordan Young says he thinks the millennial generation is the last who actually do archive things. “The next generation won’t.”

The first archivists, in Jordan’s field, were the people who audio-taped TV shows. Robert Bader makes a joke about a guy who audiotapes silent movies. I playfully punch him in the side. Later, after I blurt out something, he will say, “You’re scaring me.” (Which you love to get that from an adult. It’s only when you get it from a 4th-grader that you should worry.)

Bader, who said he loved the research part of his job, has been very generous to me this evening, praising The Wicked Wit of the West which he told the audience he read before beginning his new Marx Brothers book. (Yes, fine, but did he believe any of it?)

Realizing my fellow panelists are the kind of people who tape TV shows on reel-to-reel audio, I must confess to being part of that techno-nerd set, taping The Bill Cosby Show, but adding the caveat that this was in 1971 and I was using a cassette recorder.

SouthCarolina GO WEST014
“South Carolina” scene in MARX BROTHERS GO WEST (1940)

BEST PART OF THE NIGHT

About halfway in I realize: this is not nostalgia, these are pop historians. Jordan Young describes his work as, “the diggings of a cultural archeologist.”  Afterwards, I ask his wife if she thought the panel had covered the basics pretty well — the legal aspects, dealing with a subject’s family members, getting their memories straight. Yes, she says, “but it did skirt into the weeds a bit.” I think back on one panelist who described “looking for stills from Nancy Drew movies,” and another bringing up clearances and contracts. Still another mentioned Emil Jannings (1884-1950) in regards to a bon mot from Ernst Lubitsch (1892-1947). I wanted to blurt, “Where’s my MTV?” into the microphone I was forced to share with Robert S. Bader, but that would have sounded ancient…

Inside baseball to be sure, but this was about nostalgia.

 

 

SEMI PROFESSIONAL PANELIST LOOKING FOR TWO-HOUR POSITION

I could have been a better panelist. When moderator Birchard, author of King Cowboy: Tom Mix and the Movies, said he recalled Shakespeare’s “Richard III” appearing on TV’s “Omnibus” in the 1950s, I asked why, with today’s plethora of stations we still have no Shakespeare channel. “Springsteen claimed in song how there were ’57 Channels and nothing’s on. But today there’s like a zillion aren’t there? Thornton Wilder said at the end of every civilization there’s a period of great creativity and production. Look at the stuff being churned out, the platforms, the programming!”

Oh well. Just trying to get the conversation beyond clearances and contracts. At the panel’s completion, some of us rush off to greet well-wishers or potential customers, some remain seated there at the dais, basking all self-actualized, awaiting groupies. A woman comes up to tell me the story of a young actor in the closet who marries a woman, Hollywood style, but she kills herself, and a year later with the same gun, he kills himself.

“Great Story, huh?”

Um, I did make two nice contacts. One said she had a friend in Madrid who could translate the Italian version of The Wicked WitA PESCA CON GROUCHO — into Spanish. Then I’ll translate from Spanish back into English to see if any jokes exist at all.

A Festival of Books Panel

As well as the IWOSC panel went, the Los Angeles Times Festival of Books has never booked me to appear, despite my applying for “Memoir,” “Hollywood Biography” “Senior Memoir” and “Humor” panels, and despite having written for the paper for ten years including two stories about Irv Brecher, THE wicked wit of the west, given that moniker by Groucho himself.

Perhaps I’m bitter about never making it onto their rarified USC and UCLA stages in late April every year since 1995? (See picture of typical panel above) Listen, I spend a lot of time alone writing, so when I do make public appearances — slide shows about Irv Brecher pretty much — I tend to get excited.

But hey, IWOSC wanted me on their panel, right?

Perhaps I could learn how to become a professional panelist. Should I try and become more nostalgic? Anyway, if you know of any upcoming panels, I might be able to add some semi-comic relief to the proceedings.

(I mean, the guy’s own wife thought he got into the weeds; this is from someone who gets all his arcane references, you know?)

Finally, one more IWOSC audience member came up. She’d seen me reading TWWOTW at Chevalier’s Books on Larchmont in Los Angeles a few years ago. “Remember when you gave me the Groucho glasses and nose?” she asked. I didn’t, but I told her I should have given her a kiss instead, and leaning past the microphone stand, pushed into her as she stood on her tippy toes to reach the dais and I thought: That’s showin’ em! If a semi-professional panelist can’t get a kiss, he aint doin his job right.

IOWSC PANEL NOV 2015
Nostalgia Writing/When the Past Sings Make it Zing!

Jordan R. Young, Herbie J Pilato, Robert S. Bader, Gary Young, HR, Flo Selfman, Bob Birchard

WEBSITES REFERRED TO

Independent Writers of Southern California
http://iwosc.org/calendar/index.html#monthly_meeting

Jordan R. Young
http://www.thecommentarytrack.com

Herbie J Pilato
http://classictvps.blogspot.com
Chevalier’s Books
chevaliersbooks.com

A Pesca Con Groucho!http://www.libridivertenti.it/a-pesca-con-groucho-c2x13427728

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B F G ! Big Friendly Giant is Big Funny Talker

Adult Convo
Lalo Alcaraz

I recently saw a summer movie I loved, mostly for its language. And that language was English. “THE B F G” is a Disney movie for all ages which I recommend you see. British actor Mark Rylance plays the lead, a “Big Friendly Giant” (BFG) and his character is constantly playing with the English language in a fractured, goofy way. Seeing the film sent me to its source, the book written by Roald Dahl. As author, Dahl invented the words the B F G comes up with. Here’s a section where the B F G, after offering her something called a snozzcumber for lunch, explains to his new friend Sophie why he uses funny words:

 

‘Do we really have to eat it?’ Sophie said.

‘You do unless you is wanting to become so thin you will be disappearing into a thick ear.’

‘Into thin air,’ Sophie said. ‘A thick ear is something quite different.’

Once again that sad winsome look came into the B F G’s eyes. ‘Words,’ he said, ‘is oh such a twitch-tickling problem to me all my life. So you must simply try to be patient and stop squibbling. As I am telling you before, I know exactly what words I am wanting to say, but somehow or other they is always getting squiff-squiddled around.’

‘That happens to everyone,’ Sophie said.

‘Not like it happens to me,’ the B F G said. ‘I is speaking the most terrible wigglish.’

‘I think you speak beautifully,’ Sophie said.

‘You do?” cried the B F G, suddenly brightening. ‘You really do?’

‘Simply beautifully,’ Sophie repeated.

‘Well, that is the nicest present anybody is ever giving me in my whole life!’ cried the B F G. ‘Are you sure you is not twiddling my leg?’

‘Of course not,” Sophie said. ‘I just love the way you talk.’

‘How wondercrump!’ cried the B F G, still beaming. ‘How whoopsey-splunkers! How absolutely squiffling! I is all of a stutter.’

 

Using Funny Words

BFG makes a conversation fun, doesn’t he? Throwing in a twisted word is like a quick little tickle to his friend Sophie and she finds it beautiful. To the reader, it comes off like a surprise slap to the brain’s funny bone. You look at the word longer while trying to decipher its meaning.

When you add something wondercrumpish like the B F G does to his sentences, you are being more playful with the language. Children do this all the time, inventing words by mistake. (This is part of the appeal of author Roald Dahl who makes it fun for young readers with his funny characters.)

When you try it in conversation, it can be a witty wake-up call telling your companions, “Here’s something different. Listen to THIS!”

Tips

Next time you’re out a a restaurant, order the “ankle steak.” Whaaa? Sounds like something from a very different part of the cow don’t it?  Or how about trying the “Macabre Salad” instead of a Cobb Salad? Watch children squirm with delight. Does that mean you want a dark and scary salad? Not really, it’s a learning moment, to teach the meaning of the word macabre.

When you play with words while conversing, you get into the moment. When you toss in a goofy word, you change the moment. The listener has to stop and think about the sentence. Maybe ask a question about the word. Soon the teaching work blends together with play beautifully. (Ah, such a secret engagement!)

Making such a play in your conversation makes room enough so that ensuing conversation can become as big as your subject, big as your imagination. When you invent and explore this way, you will find interesting people interested in playing with you, too. I guarantee ya!

Quick example: the original title for this blog was “PLEASED TO MEET ME.” It is not only the title of a Replacements rock-and-roll record * — but it twists (a BFG squiff-squiggle?) around the words you would normally expect, which are: “Pleased to meet you.” Whatever does that mean? “Pleased to meet me.” I see it as a folk journalist’s attempt to engage with a subject on such a new, enlightening, or surprising level, they were glad you happened to come along!

I once began a radio report, about L.A. high schoolers being forced by the “No Child Left Behind” law to sign up for the draft, this way: “In our local high schools, the student opt-out rate is soaring.” Here I was playing on, “drop out rate.” Journalists do this all the time, trying to “capture the ear” and make the listener listen more closely to the sentence.

So just as playing with other people back-and-forth brings a folk journalist his greatest pleasure, you too can turn into a merry mythemagician the next time you find yourself cruising the old conversation station for a cuppa chit chat. Add to the mix that extra brew ‘yo, you’ll find your references soon a-flying like postmodern posts, leaving you and your partner laughing it off and changing your world one conversation at a time!

 

Bonus

Check out these Word Smithies:

“Words are the world we live in. Locution Locution Locution.” Wittgenstein

Groucho Marx once said, about to go up as the elevator door closed, “Men’s tonsils, please.” **

Modern Hebrew is like Elizabethan English. Its a marvelous instrument. I’ve even been able to invent new words where none existed before by joining certain words. Amos Oz

 

The Firesign Theatre, perhaps the greatest American comedy group, has nothing but fun with the English language: “It’s hotter than a heater in hell’s mouth in King’s Nose, Pennsylvania.” For even funnier and more accurately quoted big funny goodies from them, checkoutwww.firesigntheatre.com/

And speaking of funny conversationalists, enjoy the master (referenced above in an elevator):

 

 

Other References

* The Replacements record album  http://www.allmusic.com/album/pleased-to-meet-me-mw0000195442

** From the book BRIEF ENCOUNTERS by Dick Cavett, Henry Holt 2014  http://www.nytimes.com/2014/12/21/books/review/dick-cavett-by-the-book.html?_r=0

 

And one more from THE BFG by Roald Dahl

‘What happens when a giant dies?’ Sophie asked.

‘Giants is never dying,’ the B F G answered. ‘Sometimes and quite suddenly, a giant is disappearing and nobody is ever knowing where he goes to. But mostly us giants is simply going on and on like whiffsy time-twiddlers.’

www.roalddahl.com

 

 

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Wacky Tacky!! (Laughrodesiacs easy as cake & other Idioms for Idiots)

 

Prepare for mirth!   Shakespeare’s Pericles

 

Comedy:Tragedy

 

Shakespeare knew witty wordplay often beat violent swordplay. Look at this exchange of dialogue from Two Gentlemen of Verona

 

Thurio

 Sir, if you spend word for word with me, I shall

make your wit bankrupt.

Valentine

I know it well, sir; you have an exchequer of words,

and, I think, no other treasure to give your

followers, for it appears by their bare liveries,

that they live by your bare words.   

 

I had a job once in Santa Monica that involved trying to make folks laugh. Not as a stand up comic; I was in the street, a folk journalist interviewing tourists along the downtown Promenade, a three-block stretch filled with performers of all kinds.

If I could make a person laugh in 30 seconds, the rules allowed me to keep their dollar.And even if the joke failed – as it usually did, being a riddle more than a joke— the follow-up often proved oddball enough to elicit a reaction.

“All right,” I said, gathering an audience. “This game is called Laughrodesiacs. Which means, this joke should lead to lovemaking!”

But wow it was hard, trying to make a person laugh in a competitive situation.

Who can handle that kind of pressure? Not me, but in a more relaxed party conversation say, among friends and acquaintances, everyone appreciates a good joke well delivered.

Instead of just giving you one-liners (Milton Berle published a thousand-page book of the classics.), here’s a tip to creating your own: Look at the title of this blog. See how it came with subtitles? Now, on your email, take a look at the heading template that says: “Subject.” Subject headings are just like subtitles. They can act as new age icebreakers, spices tossed in/added for effect. How you add them can affect the conversation in a humorous fashion and in the next breath (giggle intake and exhale) take it in a humorous direction.

So are you ready to put a jump in your conversation and get reactions out of people?

Activity To Try

When in doubt disrupt. Technology breaks into so much of our interaction. Why not fight back? Flip that script, doing it as the football announcers say, “in space,” by dropping into running conversations the opposite of the expected.

Ladies and Gentlemen…I guess that takes in most of you.  Groucho Marx

Expressions like Groucho’s are available galore! For example, feel free the next time someone tells you something outrageous, instead of exclaiming, “Goodness gracious!” try: “Gracious goodness!”

See how they respond.

The next time you see one of those species geni purple-matted workout womenly wonders walk past, wish them, “Yoga Morning!”

Sure, it may seem as if you’re “throwing caution to the wind,” by flying solo without fear but really it can be, “easy as cake!” A “piece of pie.” See how easy it is to twist up a couple idioms and go for it instead of forgoing it.

For similar idioms consult, “Like A Breeze” from Chimayo Press 

http://www.chimayopress.com/other-esl-efl-titles-all/#.VnsNZ0uvvHg

Back Pocket Banter

Playwright Tom Stoppard says humor is close to love because “both promote healing.” Do you have a favorite joke?

What’s the best show you’ve ever seen? Best concert?

What actor would you like to play you in a movie? Tell me what happens in this flick – plot, music, locale?

Do you have a skill you can do that maybe nobody else can do it the way you do?

Can you show it to me?

Right now?!

Happy Camp California

All right then.  Looks like you and I are on our way to Happy Camp!  (Yreka!)

 

 

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